Dreams

This is one of those wierd dreams, which you are not sure whether it was good or bad. I don't know if other people get these, but they are the ones where you wake up in the morning and have to lie and think for a while about your views on the world. How messed up is it if your subconcious mind can teach you something new? How little must we (I?) know ourselves if a figurment of our imagination can tell us, not only what we desire, but also what we would give up to get it? Can challenge our ideas of right and wrong? Can give us new insights into both our friends and people we hardly know? How much of this is constructed and how much is true?

I was having some problems. I can't remember what they were, but to solve them I needed to go and see a friend. I had not seen this friend for a long time, she is a friend from primary school, but one of my best. I spoke to her this summer, but we never quite got around to meeting up. I really needed to meet her on some sort of business, and she suggested we meet at her church. I was suprised, because she is not particularly Christian. She told me that she went there with her family, but they weren't particularly involved in the church, nor did they want to be, they just went every Sunday. Other people were really really involved, but it was a really really lovely place, and everyone was very friendly.

So I trundelled off to meet her, it was a Sunday and the service was just ending. I went to see my friend who was helping out in the kitchen, serving biscuits to all the people who were leaving the church (traditionally one of the things that you do when you have just joined a church if you want to be involved in it is serve teas and coffees and biscuits).

I got talking to some of the people at the church, and realised that I knew quite a few. I found a girl from committe on the CU as well as a girl who was in the CU, who is in second year. They were really friendly, and I don't mean the fake "Lets be friends because.... well it is my Christian duty" friendly, but genuinely really friendly and wanted to get to know me, especially this girl in second year. They were having a prayer meeting now the service was finished and they asked me to join. This girl thought that I was important for her, and she encouraged me to stay and pray with them. I did so, and the prayer meeting was great. There was a real sense of God's presence there... although it did feel a little odd. I just put that down to me not really encountering the Holy Spirit for a while.

It turned out that a lot of the students in the Church lived at the Church. There was an emphasis on simple living, a lot of prayer, and general community. It turned out that one of my best friends lived here. He was a bit rebellious in terms of the community, but well liked. I met him and we had a chat. It turned out that the community had strict rules about obediance, and had methods of punishing people who disobeyed. They were brutal, and administered by a very churchy looking person. They involved a braid that got hot and a baking tray which was put in the oven (I'm not too sure how they worked, I saw no one get punished, was just told enough to stop me doing it).  Although the punishments were really harsh, and definately something to be avoided, they were not something that was held against you. My friend had been punished a couple of times for things (I won't go into what... it was a little bizzar).

Anyways, after this talk I was shown to my room. I was told that I would be sharing with a few other people. I was a little annoyed, but was reminded that the emphasis was on simple living and community, and this didn't involve privacy and own rooms. There was a screen between the beds (the type that you have in open plan offices where people have their own cubical), but the route to the door took you past all the other beds, and mine was on the end, closest to the door. I can't remember who exactly was in my room, but to my pleasure the 2nd year girl from CU was. She was lovely, and helped me settle in. I didn't have any possessions, but this didn't really matter. There were pjamas and clothes that I could take to sleep in and change into.

The next day we went to a prayer meeting and suddenly something happened. My eyes glowed red and connected with this girl's. She started to cry and tell us about her mother, who had died a couple of years ago. Untill then she hadn't been able to talk about it. She was so glad that she could, and her brother was there and he was really happy, as he had been worried about her.

After this we became close. She was convinced that God sent me to her for that reason, and she was very grateful. We were in adjacent beds, but we soon decided to go and find a room together. The only room with free beds, all the beds were double, but with no dividers. We each took a bed (there were quite a few in the room), but we fell asleep talking in one of them.

The next day, a whole load of people started to arrive from a school. I think it was the annual intake of freshers. Anyways, they came in and started to try and find beds. I was involved in helping them find somewhere to sleep. I decided that it was best if I told them to take the single beds, as then me and this girl couldn't be forced to have anyone stay in our room with us. I went along the corridors shouting that all first years must find single beds. Double beds were only for second years and above. They believed me, but there were some who were a little rebellious and they decided to find doubles. They took the room next to mine and this girls, and had taken a double bed each in this room. I told them that because they were first years they would have to share if they wanted to stay here. They obeyed, but I knew they would go back to having one each as soon as they were left alone, so I warned them about the punishments which were there for people who disobeyed. They took heed and promiced to stay where they were.

That night, my best friend came to me and invited me to come out with him. It was after dark, and I am fairly sure it wasn't allowed. He told me that if we were seen it would be thought that we were trying to escape. This came as a shock to me, I didn't realise that I wasn't allowed to leave. He explained to me that it had never really been an issue as everyone was happy, but no, we weren't allowed to leave. I went out to town with him that night. I think we just went exploring.

That is when it all gets a little fuzzy. I know we ended up running from armed guards along old streets, but I am not sure why. I think they thought we were escaping. It was quite scary, and our lives were certainly in danger. I don't think we could return to the church.

Now I am awake, I am not sure whether the church was actually a good Christian church, with a little bit of a strict attitude towards things, or a full blown cult, where all the presence and healing that went on (as God's presence, or something that resembled it was there all the time, which was wonderful) was something a lot more sinister. When we left, the things we had felt didn't quite feel right. It was pretty certain that all the people there were pretty happy, and they didn't think anything bad was going on. It was built on fairly Biblical principles, everyone was accepted, everyone was loved, unconditionally, but there was discipline.  Given the choice to go there in real life, I am not entirely sure what I would choose. I would probably choose not to, to be fair, but then regret it for the rest of my life. The people there were happy, they genuinely loved unconditionally, they accepted everyone who came to them for who they were and looked after them.

I was with my family at a theme park somewhere hot (possibly France, Spain or America). Anyways, there was this "ride" where people went in and there were loads of animals, and the idea was to pick up monkey poo (yeah, I know, really really gross). I was trying to pick some up (it was for lots of money I think), but really carefully, using the plastic bag to stop it touching me when my cousin decided to grab it. I was really annoyed. I stormed off to the part of the attraction where there was a river. Something in the river sent the hippos that lived in it to the surface, and the kids thought this was awesome. However, knowing that hippos kill lots of people (thanks QI) I thought I'd better warn the children. There was one girl who was trying to touch it and it was roaring at her. I told her to get away, and I think she listened. Everything else is a little hazy, but I am fairly sure no children were killed.

I am not sure if this was more than one dream, or if it linked in some way...

Firstly I was in the forest, and I had gone to help out some creatures. These creatures weren't as intelligent as humans, but they had some basic speach, and I could understand them. There was one who was very cleaver who was their witchdoctor. He was a really nice guy, and I agreed to help him do some tasks to save these creatures.

All of a sudden, some spaceships landed. They looked like the ones out of Wii Play, which pick up your wii me at the end of the shooting level (for anyone who hasn't played Wii Play, they look a lot like you would expect cartoony spaceships to look). Anyways, out of these spaceships came some aye-ayes. For anyone who doesn't know what an aye-aye looks like this is quite a good picture, although you can't see their lovely long tail! It is like a really fluffy cat's. Anyway, these creatures turned out to be really really smart, and told me of other things I needed to do to save the forest. I went away to get a friend to help me. I can't remember which friend I got, but it was someone I knew in real life. They came back to the forest with me, and the witch doctor's house was on fire, as were quite a few other things. There was a hose in the middle of camp, and I had to help put out the fire, which I did.

I was then walking with one of my current housemates, and talking about going to China. I had read something in my passport that said it allowed me to travel through China if I had business there. I was talking to him about this, and  he was being a little mean. He was telling me I should have got organised ages ago (even though I don't plan on leaving for nearly another 2 years).

I then went home. I was now Asian, and dressed in what I would describe as traditional Indian clothes. My parents were Asian and I had 2 brothers. Some tradgety had befallen one of my brothers, and my parents were really upset about it, as was I. I can't remember what had happened, but it was very very sad. I then started watching V for Vendetta with my other brother, and was crying very very loudly, for the whole of the end of it (I won't put what happens here, in case anyone hasn't seen it, if you haven't, go watch it, it is an AMAZING film). My other brother got a bit annoyed with me, because he couldn't hear the film. Something happened to him, and he went missing. I was really sad, as he was my favorite brother. I thought he might have been kidnapped. My parents didn't care, as they were still getting over my other brother's death. 

There were a lot of my father's friends over for a dinner party, and I rallied them to go and look for my second brother, which really shocked my parents. They were against it, but I was very pretty and my dad's friends all followed me. On the way I taught them to make gingerbread men using crushed up papadoms and ginger. They were good gingerbread men!

I think my brain then decided that this was a little too bizzar even for my dreams and woke me up... 

I can only remember bits of this dream, but I know it was to do with something bigger.

Me and a friend that I live with decided to go out one day to find another friend of ours. This friend actually lives in Lancaster, but in the dream, lived just 2 streets away. We hadn't seen him in a long while, and so decided that we'd just go knock on his door.

I knew where he lived, and had been there a lot, although, as I said, not for a long while. I knew that his street was called Manchester Street. Well, we found the road named "Manchester" and knew we had to be close! We could go up the hill or down it, and I couldn't remember which way to go. I don't think my friend had ever been there before. She started off down the hill and I followed her. Suddenly, I knew where to go, and it was back up the hill! Rather than take the long way round, we decided to cut accross a field. There in that field was the friend that we were looking for practicing some sort of breathing excercisey, martial arty type thing (looked a bit like Tai Chi). The field was really muddy, like it had just been plowed, but we went accross anyways to talk to him. He was quite pleased to see us, and told us that he was just going to the shop, then he was going to come and find us. Great minds think alike, especially when they are both in my head I guess!

Sorry about that. This one is from a few nights ago, and is only short! 

Firstly, I was working at the job I do over the summer and I walked in to the office, just as a person I work with was walking out (I don't know him in real life, but in the dream, I knew he worked at my office). He stroked my shoulder in a very creepy way, which freaked me out a little.

 For some reason, my aunt was there, and we started having a conversation. I think she worked there as well. I expressed a desire to go and see some ruins, which were underwater. She told me she would take me then and there if I wanted to go. I was a little afraid as it was night time, but she told me she had torches, it was fine and I shouldn't be silly! I agreed, but told her that I couldn't scuba dive. She was shocked, as were the rest of my company! They started looking at me like I was a bit thick and whispering amoung themselves. I felt really silly for admitting it.

I dreampt I got both a kitten and a bunny rabbit. They followed me home from the piece of headland near my house and I decided to keep them. However, for a reason I can't remember, I couldn't let them out of my room. The bunny rabbit was just a wild rabbit that had decided to come home with me.

I woke up in the morning and realised the rabbit was there, and so I put a suitcase over it to try and keep it safe. My room was on the top floor, next to the bathroom which joined onto my brother's room as well, and was a complete mess. I am not sure what I was trying to protect it from, but I know there wasn't a lot of space for it. I then saw the kitten and decided to try and limit the amount of access that had to the room (goodness knows why!). I trapped it behind my bedroom door, clearing a space for it and making a cage with a chest of draws and some cardboard. I then forgot about them and went out, came back and went to sleep. I then was woken up the next morning by the rabbit scratching. I remembered and took her out to the main house. I gave her some water and put her in the lounge. I was living with my parents, but they didn't want to help with the pets (which is quite unusual for my mother at least). Anyways, I asked them whether we had guinnea pig food (we haven't owned guinneapigs for at least 5 years, but it's possible that in the dream we did). My mum told me my grandad had it, and I was not impressed. I gave the rabbit a carrot and went up to deal with the kitten.

I gave her a drink as well, and brought her down to eat from the cat bowl. She was hungry and thirsty (not suprising really) and very very soft and fluffy.

Quite a nice dream really, both animals were okay, despite my appauling treatment of them, and they were very cute and loveable!

At the moment my dreams are being really quite depressing. I keep dreaming about really depressing stuff. I love my dreams, but at the moment they are being really annoying.

I have dreamt about friends being annoyed at me because I only phone them when I'm upset, I dreamt about being a child and being trapped in a cupboard and shouted at by people pretending to be my parents, I dreamt that it was that time of the month again, after only a week. I dunno why I am being so emotional. I am hoping a change of scenery to Leeds will sort me out.

I need a moan, and this kinda ties into the dream I had last night.

 Firstly, how can I possibly be jealous of fake intimacy? I was on World of Warcraft last night, on an RP server and I saw a couple talking. They were being rather sickening, and I was jealous! I was jealous of an online relationship! No offence to anyone, and obviously, I don't know what their background was, but I think it is a bit sad to have an online relationship, so to be jealous of one is ridiculos. It really shows how crappy I am. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and it is really getting me down.

 I can't think of one point in my life when anyone has ever wanted me. I know, this is the same stuff that I've been over and over with people millions of times when I have been feeling down, but I just can't shake the feeling. I mean, I have gone 20 years without anyone wanting me, so why not go 20 years again. People will tell me "No, so and so wanted you" or "No, you got with <insert name here>", but none of them ever wanted me to the extent they would still want me in the morning and stick with me, want me as more than someone you just kiss and then move on. No one, not even someone I reckon is wrong for me, has offered in the last 5+years, and the one guy to do it before then, I'm pretty sure was gay and DESPERATELY trying to hide it. The last valentines card I got was in primary school, and when I tried to follow that up, he had moved on. The last guy to ask me out did it as a joke to make his friends laugh.

The most  depressing thing at the moment, and this is going to sound wierd, is that I am beggining to think that I'm not too bad looking. I don't think I am supemodle gorgeous, but I am not really thinking at the moment that I am unattractive. I mean, maybe I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but looks wise, I am okay, could stand to loose a little weight, but nothing too terrible. This means there is something else wrong with me. When it is just looks, you can get angry at other people for being shallow, but when it is something fundamentally me, it is a lot harder to lay the blame at other people's doors. What is wrong with me?

Also, why do I feel I need this? Why does this bother me so much? Why can't I just get on with life, and have faith/not care when it comes to boys. I mean, they aren't really that important are they? Why do I feel so incomplete and generally useless? I don't even know what I am missing, why do I want it so much? How has it got me to the point that I feel physically sick and want to cry so much of the time? I am comfort eating again, I haven't done that properly since I was 15, not that "I feel sick because I am so unhappy, so lets eat something, oh yeah Michelle, well done, that's logical..." feeling.  

 Anyways, dream was about meeting up with someone and having an argument, as I told them this, or part of it I don't think I ramblled so much, they decided I was in love with them and shouted at me about it. I shouted back and we had an argument.

If anyone reads this, I expect your comments about me being an attention seeking emo below. 

I dreamt I woke up, and I was late.

 

Twice.

 

Then I actually was late.

 

See title! 

I have no idea what my dream was last night, just know that the song I was listening to this morning on my iPod really reminded me of it. It was "In the cold light of morning by Placebo: